Busting Excuses - Why You Deserve A Boudoir Experience
Let’s look at some of those fears and anxieties…
When we feel nervous about something, it’s incredibly normal to make excuses. We make them all the time. We make excuses to not make the bed in the morning because we’re going to get right back into it again later… but we also make excuses not to love/accept ourselves, or to take care of ourselves in the ways we know we should. Sometimes life gets too busy and things get in the way… we have work, kids, chores, life admin, friends/family who need us, responsibilities. We sometimes use excuses like “I want to lose 5kg first!”, “I just don’t have the money right now”, or “There are other things I need to prioritise”.
We wanted to write this particular blog to show you that no matter what excuse your mind throws at you, you CAN do this. You’re allowed to invest in yourself, and to prioritise YOU. You absolutely are worth it. You’re worthy of pampering, and of loving yourself.
“I don’t have enough time for myself.”
I (Talia) am the first to admit that I can be the WORST at making sure that I give myself breaks when I need to, and that’s why I feel particularly strongly about this one. I know first hand that if you aren’t taking care of yourself mentally, it’s going to be much much harder to take care of other people and the myriad of things going on in your life at any given time. I’ve made endless excuses as to why I had to push through and keep going, and why I had to ignore my own needs/self-care. I’ve often needed Jasper to stop me and tell me that I needed to slow down, because I otherwise simply wouldn’t have. It’s hard to give yourself permission to do it, let alone then trying to actually figure out how to make it happen! How exactly do you take a break, and steal a moment for yourself so you can breathe?
At a boudoir shoot, you’ve got time entirely to yourself. It’s your time, and a chance to put fuel back into your tank. Not to mention, think of all the mental energy you’d save every day if you started to worry less about what other people thought of how you looked, and if you stopped comparing yourself to others. Boudoir photography shines a light on how beautiful and incredible you are, both inside and out. Given that we all need to take breaks for ourselves from time to time, why not spend it having an absolutely amazing time getting pampered, glammed up, and creating images that will serve as a reminder of how brave you are for the rest of your life?
“I’m not where I want to be in terms of body shape / weight” or “I don’t fit the media’s ideal of beauty.”
I know society has conditioned us to believe that a very very narrow version of ‘beauty’ is acceptable, but WHY do you need to be a certain size to accept/love yourself? It’s a question that I still struggle with myself, and I know first-hand how pervasive those anxieties can be. But I’ve spent a lot of time trying to unpack and explore them, and I keep coming up empty as to any decent or logical reason why that’s realistically the case. No two people are the same - not in terms of their personality, or their appearance. And I know that whenever we look at other people in photos (no matter what height, shape, weight etc they are), the things we often notice about them are the aspects that we think look beautiful! It might be their smile… that they have amazing hair… or that they just exude a sense of confidence and self-assuredness.
Although it’s amazing to have health-related goals, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to make changes in your life that leave you feeling physically and mentally better, that never means you have to hate yourself along the way. You’re allowed to be proud of where you are, *and* proud of wherever you might be going. A boudoir shoot is an opportunity to celebrate yourself exactly as you are right now and to take a massive step towards self-acceptance and self-compassion.
We know as well that not everyone is at a stage where they feel positively about their body, and that’s completely fine as well. Sometimes it’s easy to tell someone that they should ‘love/accept themselves’, but it’s not always quite so simple. Because of that, we’ll always try to meet you exactly where you’re at. If there are aspects of yourself that you’d prefer to de-emphasise in photos, we’ll make sure that you have space to let us know and we can talk about that. If there are parts of yourself that you LOVE, we’ll be capturing a lot of photos where those features are front and centre!
We also know that the area of photoshop can be a sensitive topic in today’s day and age, so we’ll always ask you about your preferences when it comes to editing. Whether you want to fully embrace every aspect of yourself and have the photos look as natural as possible (an amazing option!), or whether you want more editing done on your photos (also a totally fine choice!), we’re there for you and what you need.
So even if this particular anxiety about not being the ‘right’ type of beautiful is niggling away in the back of your mind and holding you back, remember… those thoughts are completely normal and understandable given what society teaches us these days, but you can still act in spite of those thoughts being there. You have the power to make active choices that challenge the negative critic in your mind, and which over time, will help you to realise that your worth is about so so much more than what your body looks like.
Head over to our VIP Facebook Community as well… it’s an awesome, supportive group where you can hear about the experiences of other people who felt the exact same anxieties/insecurities as you might right now, and who still had incredible shoot experiences! The group focuses on empowering one another and creating an inclusive, body-positive space.
“I don’t feel sexy / sensual anymore, so there’s no reason for me to do a boudoir shoot.”
This one is definitely a common thought, but it’s seriously just plain wrong. If you’ve had that thought before, this particular excuse is the exact reason why you SHOULD do a boudoir shoot. Life can get so hectic a lot of the time, and our weeks can become a series of days where we take care of kids/family/work responsibilities/chores/etc in an endless loop. It’s completely normal and absolutely ok… we need to prioritise those things in our life, and it can make it understandably hard to remember that we’re still independent, confident and beautiful people at the same time. Boudoir photoshoots offer the chance to reconnect with and explore sides of yourself that you might not have been in touch with for a while (or ever)! We’ve all got that spark inside of us… the one which helped us to feel like a sexy badass that one time you’ll never forget. The one which might have given us the courage to approach someone who we were attracted to. The one which we know is still there, and is just waiting for an opportunity to come out. We love seeing the inevitable shift in people from feeling shy and uncertain at the beginning of a shoot, to just totally feeling themselves and knowing how incredible/sexy they are by the end of it!
“I have no idea what to wear.”
We get this one a lot as well. Firstly, we want to reassure you that you don’t ever have to wear super sexy/revealing clothing. A boudoir shoot is about capturing the essence of you as a person, and our absolute #1 priority is ensuring you feel comfortable and confident in whatever it is you’re wearing. If that’s lingerie or underwear, that’s awesome! If that’s a sweater and jeans with Doc Martins, or a summer dress, or pretty much literally any other item of clothing… those are all fantastic options too!
We’ll always schedule a pre-shoot wardrobe consultation with you beforehand, where we can talk through what options you might have already or be looking to buy. You’ll also have access to our growing client closet, which contains a bunch of stunning items (lingerie, robes, as well as various props such as handcuffs etc) that you can borrow for your shoot! You’ll never be left wondering what to do when it comes to wardrobe, so you can rest easy with this one.
“I can’t afford it / spending money on myself is frivolous.”
We understand that a boudoir photoshoot is an investment, particularly given that it’s a luxury experience. It’s a financial investment, but it’s also an investment in yourself. You are worth investing in… your confidence is worth invest in. You know that feeling you might have gotten in the past when you bought a particularly amazing item of clothing that just made you feel like a million bucks? Boudoir is a bit like that, except often a whole lot more powerful. Because it’s not that one piece of clothing anymore… boudoir shows you that it’s all you, and that you’re already a million bucks without any need for extra bells and whistles.
Because we believe that every single person deserves to have a luxury boudoir experience, we also offer a range of flexible payment plans to suit every budget! There’s a booking retainer to schedule your shoot date in, but when it comes to purchasing products, we have both pre- and post-payment plans available that allow you to pay off your dream products in instalments that suit your specific financial needs.
“I don’t have anyone to give sexy photos to.”
We have lots of clients who book in for a shoot so they can give their spouse or partner a gorgeous album or printed wall art as a gift, but we arguably have more clients who book in to do a shoot entirely for themselves. When was the last time you thought “hot damn, I look pretty amazing!” about yourself? You never need an external reason to give yourself an opportunity to look and feel phenomenal. Having a loved one to gift photos to is a wonderful feeling, but giving yourself the gift of confidence and empowerment is pretty much priceless.
“I’m scared / nervous / embarrassed.”
We can’t stress this one enough… Heartfire Boudoir is a completely judgment-free boudoir studio. We’re incredibly passionate about inclusivity with respect to body type, age, gender, sexual orientation… you name it. We believe that every body is beautiful, and we will 100% stand with you in celebrating yours. It doesn’t matter whether or not you’ve modelled before (most of our clients never have!), or whether you have any idea about how to pose or look ‘sexy’ (we’ll pose you from head to toe, so you’ll be guided through that every step of the way)... the entire purpose of a boudoir experience is to have an amazingly fun time just being yourself, and to realise that you don’t need to be anyone else.
And just to add, the comedic value inherent within watching the two of us demonstrate how to do all of the ‘sexy’ poses will eliminate any nervousness you might have been feeling initially! A lot of the time, we’re capturing photos of you laughing because of all the silly things Jasper and I do/say during a shoot. We’ll chat in between photos, and pretty quickly, any fear you might have had at the start will likely be long long gone.
We’re also aware that a boudoir photoshoot can be an incredibly personal and intimate experience, and that many people have had experiences in their past that might have left them uncomfortable with being unclothed around others. We really, really get that. We’ll always find out before the shoot day even comes around about your preference regarding how clothed/unclothed you’d like to be during your shoot, whether there are any triggers you might have that would be helpful for us to know about, and whether you feel comfortable with us re-positioning limbs/hair/etc during the shoot or if you’d like for us to give verbal directions and demonstrations only. If you have any concerns or fears around these types of issues, please don’t hesitate to chat with us about how we can make sure you feel as safe and comfortable as possible for the entire duration of your time with us.
“Everyone will see my photos.”
This is a quick one we want to clarify… if you don’t want anyone else to see your photos, no one EVER will. Your privacy is one of the most important things to us, and the only images we share are ones that clients have given us written permission to share online. Whether or not to share your images is 100% up to you, and you’ll never be pressured to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.
